Sleeping and Cliff Diving...an analogy

I know what you're thinking..."Where did THIS come from?". Let me explain. I was thinking about what my son said last night. "Dad, if you try to go to sleep, you stay awake, but if you try to stay awake you go to sleep". Wise for his years, he is. A good commuter, he will make some day. Annoying, how Yoda talks.

So I was sitting there thinking about how I go to sleep...the actual process of sleeping on demand. It's not nearly as hard as trying to be creative on demand, or funny on demand. Sleeping on demand is an art and a science at the same time. It takes planning, a disciplined mind, and some subtle observations of how your body reacts to different stimulus...external and internal.

Imagine that you are a professional cliff diver and you're standing on this little teeny ledge over the ocean. You want to dive. You are eager for the dive. You're going to dive eventually, but you've got to wait for just the right wave, because you're a professional, and professionals are patient. Non professional cliff divers have a very short career.

So you focus. You have prepared yourself mentally for this. You walk thru all of the phases of the dive in your mind. Your eyes are closed, but only just. You breathe deeply and regurlarly. You FEEL the ocean 75 feet below you. You listen to the breakers as they pummel the cliff.

You are ready. Your eyes are open now...waiting for THAT wave to call to you. No, not THAT one...that one behind it...THAT's the one. It calls and your body slowly leans forward. Your arms are stretched straight out like when you were a kid and your dad would "fly" you around the room. Don't go there...you're about to dive off a cliff, for crying out loud!!! Focus!

Just as your body reaches the perfect angle you bend your knees and launch out into open space. Nothing between you and that wondrous wave...that perfect wave. Just time and space. You feel the wind in your face...in your ears...it becomes a roar, but you don't hear it. You're focusing...remember? Down you fall...the rocks slipping by like they were made of silk. Your arms stretched out like the wings of a turkey, and doing about as much good.

This is you...a professional

At the last possible split second you raise your arms over your head to take the impact of that cool, blue wave. Into the wave you go...part of the wave, you are. (Sorry) You immediately tuck your body to stop your descent into the rocks below. You look up and see the trail of glistening bubbles that your body made as it slipped through the crystal blue water. The sun is sparkling above, beckoning you. AIR is beckoning you.

This is also you...perefect form

You push to the surface. You pass by a few fish who are wondering what that fin-less, gill-less thing is doing in THEIR domain. And you finally break the surface! Nirvana!

"HEY! It's your stop...you gettin' off or you wanna ride back to the bus yard with me? I aint got all day, y'know...I got a schedule to keep". Ah...another successful hour of sleep has passed by like the wind and the rocks of the cliff and the blue water.

So that's you. The professional. There are others who try this. They are NOT professionals.

Everyone who tries to sleep on the bus can do it...eventually. Same with cliff diving. If you are on that little ledge long enough, you will eventually end up in the ocean. It's all about how.

The non-professional will be pre-occupied with the events of the day. They want to dive, but that last conversation with their boss keeps running through their mind. They lean, they LOOK like a cliff diver (airplane arms and all) but they can't focus on the task at hand. Their mind is undisciplined. SLAP! They hit the water..the cruel, cold, unforgiving water.

This is NOT you...aren't you glad?

Then there's the non-professional who really doesn't want to dive. They just see others do it and it looks so cool...so peaceful...Ahhh. But they don't know how. They just sit there and they get sleepier and sleepier. They wish they could fly like a Kingfisher, straight down into the dark water below. But instead they just fall asleep and roll off the ledge...SLAP!

Then there's the non-professional who wants to dive and has climbed to the little ledge, but along the way they notice all of the cool nooks and crannies in the cliff face. They are TOTALLY preoccupied with something other than the task at hand. And when I say "at hand" I mean at hand and feet...THREE POINTS OF CONTAAAAAAAAAACT!!...SLAP!

Again, NOT you...that's gonna leave a mark!

The professional sleeper DIVES into sleep...on their own terms...whenever they want. The non-professional merely FALLS to sleep...at their own peril.

Don't play games. Be a professional. And be QUIET...I'm trying to focus....ahhh, here comes my wave now...

Survey SAYS...

The bus route STAYS! Wohoo! (work with me here...at least TRY to sound excited!)

Yes, it's hard to believe, I know. We had one of the powers-that-be ride the bus today and we got the good news. I guess they got pretty beat up over cancelling the route without even TRYING to keep it...at least that's the impression we got. They're trying to add a new city to the destination that will encourage more riders (thanks to a friend of mine and me pushing it). That'll mean that our schedule will change "slightly". We'll also have to suffer a 35% rate increase, but HEY!...no one's complaining. If they do, well then they can just drive in and suffer a 400% rate increase.

It's true...it costs 4X as much to drive in as take the limo (bus)...yet we can't find enough riders. Not sure what's up with that. Maybe 10$ a gallon will make people budge out of the drivers seat. Maybe not.

We haven't received any official notification, of course. Nothing in writing. Yet in faith I proclaim "the cancellation of our bus route is cancelled!". It was a good fight. I'm pretty much exhausted. Anyone see my ear plugs? I can't wait for the ride in tomorrow.

WooOOO WooOOO

Rode the train today, in case you couldn't tell. Just for fun. Kind of a research project, really. It was one of those "well, we may still lose our bus and I haven't ridden the train for around 5 years...I wonder if it's changed". Uh, no, it hasn't changed.

The train would be a totally sweet ride if it wasn't for the seating arrangements. They're pretty bad. And I should know.

First of all, they don't recline. Not even a little. Straight up. Mom would be proud. But then Mom didn't want me sleeping sitting up...sorry Mom.

Second, you are facing someone the whole way. And I mean face to face. There's an aisle in the middle, duh, and on either side are two seats next to each other facing forward and they face two seats facing backward. Not so bad except where do you put your feet? Two adults would have their knees occupying the same space. For a visual, fold your hands and look at your fingers. That is what the legs of the 4 people look like. Thankfully it's not packed (yet) so you don't HAVE to sit right across from someone.

Third, and I made this mistake this morning, if you are sitting backward, and on the left side of the train, then you get the sun RIGHT in your face the whole way there. That's not really clear is it? If you are facing forward, then it is the right side of the train and if you are facing backward then it is the left side. Let's call it the North side of the train in the AM and the South side in the PM. So out of 4 possible ways to sit( Left, Right, Frontward, Backward), I chose poorly (as the Grail Knight in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" so famously put it).


Fourth, your "seat" gets transferred to a bus when you arrive at your destination train station and you have to ride the shuttle bus to the closest stop to where you work. Not THAT bad, but still nor OUR bus. Plus it takes another 10 minutes to make that journey.

Not the least bit seat related, but there is this "conductor" or something that comes on the intercom before every stop and says "pingggg" (that's not him, btw, that's the "roger beep") "now approaching the Vasco Road Station". Then, and I'm serious, like 1 minute later he says "pinggg" AGAIN..."arriving at Vasco Road Station". And it's not quiet. I think the "ping" is there to wake you up so you hear what he has to say. But, hey, I'm trying to SLEEP here! I'll know when to get off because it's a TRAIN and trains are on TIGHT SCHEDULES, so I'll set an alarm on my phone and it will go off (silently of course, to be courteous to the other poor souls that are going all the way to San Jose or somewhere just as far), and I'll quietly wake up and prepare to disembark. Is that what they call it when you get off a train...like a boat? Is it "disboard"..."unboard"? If you board the train then what do you call it when you, well, get off? Wow, really lost my train of thought there (sorry, but I can see this is going to be fun with all the possible puns involved in commuting via rail).

Note to self: change the alarm on your phone because you have to leave 20 minutes earlier to catch the PM bus to the PM train. Done.

I'm sure the "coolness" factor will wear off over time, but for now riding the train was really cool!

What's NOT cool about trains? See text above.

The Plot Thickens

Riding the bus lately has been, well, boring. Just the way it should be. All the usual suspects are in all their usual seats with little interruption. At least as far as I can tell...I've been pretty much comatose.

We have heard, however, from 'the powers that be' that our route cancellation has been put on hold pending an investigation. Can you imagine? It's really quite exciting to think that we could actually have some effect on decisions made by the higher-ups. I'm really encouraged...maybe one person CAN make a difference. I think I might even vote this election.

The excitement, though, has its place. I absolutely forbid myself to think about it once I start heading for the bus. Day dreaming (really early morning dreaming) can be a curse when you're trying to go to sleep. Ones' mind must be empty. Ones' eyelids gently closed. A couple of deep breaths....in....out...in...you're out. Throw in a little tantalizing thought and you blow the whole routing. Ones's mind must be empty...

If the bus DOES go away (may it never be!) I think I'll ride the train. Stand by...researching train schedules. Hmmm...will I have to rename my blog? Nah. It'll just be a new chapter. I WILL change my picture though...trains are just COOLER than busses. Ask any kid.

Bus Drama 101

Ah, this is the life. The daily bus drama has never been finer than this last week. This is, well, like the ultimate bus drama...no more bus.

We've been fighting the cancellation of our route for the last week and a half and have basically gained no ground. Oh, they say that they are trying to keep it alive, and they're working on alternatives, and the like, but I'm afraid they might not be quite as motivated as we are. It's just a hunch.

There were some pretty nasty emails written, so I hear, that don't shed a kind light on the 'powers that be' at the bus HQ. They were brutally honest, to be honest. Here's a few snippets:

"we feel that 'the bus company' made this decision prematurely and without communication or regard for the riders of the route"

"There have been no appeals for new riders or any communication that something would need to be done"

"Recognizing that the cost of fuel was rising dramatically, we all expected a rate increase, but it never came"

"Was any consideration given to restructuring the route to include other stops?"

"At this time, given the rapidly increasing price of fuel, you should be expanding, not contracting"

"This approach goes against the entire concept of mass transit"

"Was this the only alternative? Why were we not contacted with options before the decision was made? Was this really very well thought out?"

"There have been no advertisements. It seems like a few well-placed billboards on I-5/205/580 leveraging the increase in fuel costs could dramatically increase ridership"

And the best for last...reducing our carbon footprint! "It seems that the reduction in pollutants, an the resultant positive image this presents to a population concerned about global warming and high levels of carbon emissions, would be a significantly important factor that should be considered as well."

I wish I could claim to have written these, but I cannot. Aren't they all just brutal? Every one of them is pretty much common sense articulated.

Oh, by the way, I would comment on todays drive in, but I can't remember it. I was COMPLETELY out. Looking forward to that same level of awareness going home.

Thanks for the info...now, run along

Doesn't seem like they care. Hmmm. Almost seems like the powers that be have their minds made up to cancel our route. There's not much use in fighting that. A friend of mine at work sent me this Indian joke...I now pass it along to you:

=====================================
Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo
Prasad Yadav were Travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an
accident and all three of them died.

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the
doorstep of death.

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he
should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being
made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly,
all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc.

Then why the differential treatment?

He felt that there should be a formal test or an
objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not
be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them
to appear for an English test.

PVNR is asked to spell ' INDIA ' and he does it
correctly.

Advani is asked to spell ' ENGLAND ' and he too
passes.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell '
CZECHOSLOVAKIA '.

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

He says this is not fair and that he was given a
tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi
(to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least
feel that Hindi would provide an equal Platform for all three).

PVNR is asked to write 'KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW'. He
writes it easily and passes.

Advani is asked to write 'BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN'.
He too passes.

Laloo is asked to write 'BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR.... .'
Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other
two weren't),he now requested for all the 3 to be
subjected to a test in history.

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and
that he would not take any more tests.

PVNR is asked: 'When did India get Independence ?'.
He replied '1947' and passed.

Advani is asked 'How many people died during the
independence struggle? '.

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3
options:
100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

It's Laloo's turn now.

Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each
of the 200,000 who died in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story:-

IF THE POWERS THAT BE HAVE ALREADY DECIDED WHAT TO DO TO
YOU,
THERE IS NO ESCAPE.....
=============================

Thankfully I'm American! And I'm going to fight it! Let the games BEGIN!

Potluck Time!

Thursday was Potluck day on the bus. There's another post that deals with your unbelief or your inability to understand this phenomenon. It's from April 3rd and titled Pre-Potluck. You can read there what it is all about.


Well, this one was different. Mainly because it caught me off guard. More accurately, I forgot to tell the CCC Fairy that I needed cookies, so there were none. But there was so much food and it so chaotic (what with everyone passing food, and drinks, and this and that) that no one even noticed that I brought NOTHING. Oh well. It's give and take. Thursday was take. Here's what I took...

Yummy, huh? It's always like this.

Well, there was so much food and I just had so much guilt for not bringing anything that I ate more than my share. Didn't even have dinner when I got home. Very out of character.

We also had a lot of good discussion about what we will be doing on June 1st when they have cancelled our route. Plenty of ideas, and some good word-smithing will probably result in a successful transition to the new mode of transportation. We'll wait and see.

Happy Earth Week...your bus route is canceled

Not the best news in the world. "Due to lack of ridership, we are forced to eliminate your route". OK, so we only have 15 people riding currently, but shouldn't it be the responsibility of the bus company to advertise and promote the routes and make them appealing to as many possible riders as possible? Apparently not. They're subsidised, you know. Free money from The Government (that's really you and me, by the way).

"Hey Riders, you need to get some more people to ride or we'll have to cancel your route". They didn't ever mention this to us. I guess it didn't cross their mind.

"Hey Riders, we need to increase your fare or we'll have to cancel your route". Nope. Never even brought that up. We haven't had a rate increase in YEARS. I'd gladly pay more to keep our illustrious bus and route. Not an option.

"Hey Riders, we're going to add a couple more stops along the way so more people will want to get out of their cars and into the bus". I don't think so, Tim. Never suggested. And what's one or two more stops?

"Hey Riders, did you notice the new billboard on the way to work? No? You were asleep? No biggie. It said 'Come ride the bus, save yourself at LEAST $300 a MONTH! Yes, you can ride the bus to work and buy a NEW CAR with your savings!'". That would be too smart. Advertising never works. Oh, wait...YES IT DOES!

"Hey Riders, our other billboard that you didn't see said "Hey you...yes you all alone in your car. This is Earth Week. Come try the bus for free this week and see how much stress you can shed. Did you know that some commuters suffer more stress than a fighter pilot going into battle? No? It's TRUE. Come relax with us!". Um, nope. Didn't hear that one either.

"Hey Riders, we're going to have to combine your route with another one so we don't have to eliminate your route all together. Hope that's OK with you". SURE it's OK. We're good with that. Just DON'T MAKE US DRIVE IN! But didn't hear that either.

"Hey Riders, your route is canceled effective May 31st". THAT we did hear. In writing. On RED paper...ALERT...ALERT...DANGER WILL ROBINSON...DANGER.

Enough rant. Today is Pot Luck day. Not much to celebrate. I even forgot to ask for cookies from the Chocolate Chip Cookie Fairy. DOH!

If you want to know how YOU can help us keep our route, leave a comment. I'll post the number you can call if I get 3 or more offers for help. We're considering Call3 or News 10 On Your Side too.

Does it sound like I'm FIRED UP? Well I AM!

1 Bus does not = 2 Vans ... or ... intBus != intVan*2

Have I mentioned our beautiful white bus? Someone at work saw us being dropped off once and they have since only referred to it as the "RockStar Bus". And that it is...long and white with tinted windows, hundreds and hundreds of horsepower, smooth like a Cadillac (the old, big, STEEL ones...not these new little cheap sporty ones). It's like a luxury hotel suite on 8 wheels...TV, DVD, Stereo (but please keep all of those off...it's just nice to know that we have them, thank you), AC, Heating, mood lighting (OK, little lights under the seats on the isle so you can find your way out in the dark), recessed lighting (OK, reading lights like airplanes have...only BRIGHTER...and please keep these off because I can still see them through my eye lids), and the best of all...someone else to do all the work. It's like a 787 Dreamliner that you share with 10 of your closest friends. Nirvana.

Contrast that with...hey, you KNEW this was coming and you kept reading anyway...contrast that with a van. Ya...just a plain white van. Where you pack 10 people and all of their luggage into a really small area. You could seriously fit 10 of these vans inside that grand bus. There's no comparison. It's like Air Force One versus The Spirit of St. Louis. It's like a 2 pound Prime Rib versus Beef Jerky.

So we're standing in the cold waiting for the bus and I'm getting more and more awake from the chill. The time for Miss Timex to arrive has come and gone so one of two things must be happening. Either all of our watches are wrong from some recent time warp perpetrated by the Government, or there's something wrong with The Queen Mary. Our beloved Highway Liner had technical difficulties. Then there they come.

Not one, but two vans. You see, we can't all fit into one without writing letters to the powers that be at the Bus Company about the inhumane conditions inside one van. I thought I was riding in the back van, but, well, Miss Timex was driving the front van and the back van had bench seats. Go back and read that part again...BENCH SEATS. Worse than incessant cell phone chatter...worse than a broken air conditioner in the summer (ya, that's happened too)...worse than breaking all three rules (are there only three?...gotta work on that).

So I spun on my heel and headed straight for the front van. I was last from my poor initial choice, so I had to sit almost in the back. The back is a bench seat in all the vans...and I took the last non-bench seat. The poor guy who gets on at the next stop was toast...remember, no butter. But he likes to call random people on his cell phone "just to say hi", so he deserves it. Then when I'm getting prepped to get off he has the AUDACITY to make light of all my essential gear..."Boy! You sure you have enough STUFF?". Oh, you can bet he's riding in the bench seat on the way home...I guarantee it!

Idiots and Maniacs

So, the world ended on Tuesday. I had to drive in. I haven't driven in, in like months. Literally. I can't REMEMBER the last time I subjected myself to that torture. Next time?...Just shoot me first.

It's been my opinion for a long time that there are only two kinds of drivers: Idiots and Maniacs. You know who you are, and I know who you are. I am even one of you, but not according to me. It's all based on perspective.

As I drove in I noticed both Idiots and Maniacs. The Maniacs, as we all know, are the psycotic drivers that think they can get to work earlier by weaving in and out of traffic, going as fast as they can and cutting off as many people as possible. They enjoy that subtle pleasure of blocking other Maniacs when they try to cut them off. It's a game to them, I'm sure, to be as nasty as they can by using their car as a weapon to punish other drivers while promoting their own agenda: get to work before...before...before WHAT? They are racing to GET TO WORK! IDIOTS! (Wait...aren't they Maniacs?)

Then there's the Idiots. Those are the ones who sit in the same lane and go slower than everyone else in that lane wants to go. They leave this giant gap in front of them that every Maniac drools over. Maniacs are CONSTANTLY pulling in front of Idiots, without even signaling (gasp!). So if you are directly behind an Idiot you are toast. You can't change lanes because every other lane is going faster than yours, and the Maniacs are going so fast in those lanes that you would surely die if you pulled in front of one of them. Black, crunchy toast...no butter...that's you.

Now you may think that there must be THREE kinds of drivers...Idiots, Maniacs, and You. But, alas, you are mistaken. You see, you are either an Idiot or a Maniac. The Idiots think you're a Maniac and the Maniacs think you're an Idiot. So there you are...you are BOTH.

So the simple rule is: Anyone going faster than you is a Maniac and anyone going slower than you is an Idiot.

And by the way, I was more of an Idiot than a Maniac. But I did pass a few Idiots...sorry about that. If you rode the bus you would be neither an Idiot nor a Maniac...you would be BRILLIANT.