Sleeping and Cliff Diving...an analogy

I know what you're thinking..."Where did THIS come from?". Let me explain. I was thinking about what my son said last night. "Dad, if you try to go to sleep, you stay awake, but if you try to stay awake you go to sleep". Wise for his years, he is. A good commuter, he will make some day. Annoying, how Yoda talks.

So I was sitting there thinking about how I go to sleep...the actual process of sleeping on demand. It's not nearly as hard as trying to be creative on demand, or funny on demand. Sleeping on demand is an art and a science at the same time. It takes planning, a disciplined mind, and some subtle observations of how your body reacts to different stimulus...external and internal.

Imagine that you are a professional cliff diver and you're standing on this little teeny ledge over the ocean. You want to dive. You are eager for the dive. You're going to dive eventually, but you've got to wait for just the right wave, because you're a professional, and professionals are patient. Non professional cliff divers have a very short career.

So you focus. You have prepared yourself mentally for this. You walk thru all of the phases of the dive in your mind. Your eyes are closed, but only just. You breathe deeply and regurlarly. You FEEL the ocean 75 feet below you. You listen to the breakers as they pummel the cliff.

You are ready. Your eyes are open now...waiting for THAT wave to call to you. No, not THAT one...that one behind it...THAT's the one. It calls and your body slowly leans forward. Your arms are stretched straight out like when you were a kid and your dad would "fly" you around the room. Don't go there...you're about to dive off a cliff, for crying out loud!!! Focus!

Just as your body reaches the perfect angle you bend your knees and launch out into open space. Nothing between you and that wondrous wave...that perfect wave. Just time and space. You feel the wind in your face...in your ears...it becomes a roar, but you don't hear it. You're focusing...remember? Down you fall...the rocks slipping by like they were made of silk. Your arms stretched out like the wings of a turkey, and doing about as much good.

This is you...a professional

At the last possible split second you raise your arms over your head to take the impact of that cool, blue wave. Into the wave you go...part of the wave, you are. (Sorry) You immediately tuck your body to stop your descent into the rocks below. You look up and see the trail of glistening bubbles that your body made as it slipped through the crystal blue water. The sun is sparkling above, beckoning you. AIR is beckoning you.

This is also you...perefect form

You push to the surface. You pass by a few fish who are wondering what that fin-less, gill-less thing is doing in THEIR domain. And you finally break the surface! Nirvana!

"HEY! It's your stop...you gettin' off or you wanna ride back to the bus yard with me? I aint got all day, y'know...I got a schedule to keep". Ah...another successful hour of sleep has passed by like the wind and the rocks of the cliff and the blue water.

So that's you. The professional. There are others who try this. They are NOT professionals.

Everyone who tries to sleep on the bus can do it...eventually. Same with cliff diving. If you are on that little ledge long enough, you will eventually end up in the ocean. It's all about how.

The non-professional will be pre-occupied with the events of the day. They want to dive, but that last conversation with their boss keeps running through their mind. They lean, they LOOK like a cliff diver (airplane arms and all) but they can't focus on the task at hand. Their mind is undisciplined. SLAP! They hit the water..the cruel, cold, unforgiving water.

This is NOT you...aren't you glad?

Then there's the non-professional who really doesn't want to dive. They just see others do it and it looks so cool...so peaceful...Ahhh. But they don't know how. They just sit there and they get sleepier and sleepier. They wish they could fly like a Kingfisher, straight down into the dark water below. But instead they just fall asleep and roll off the ledge...SLAP!

Then there's the non-professional who wants to dive and has climbed to the little ledge, but along the way they notice all of the cool nooks and crannies in the cliff face. They are TOTALLY preoccupied with something other than the task at hand. And when I say "at hand" I mean at hand and feet...THREE POINTS OF CONTAAAAAAAAAACT!!...SLAP!

Again, NOT you...that's gonna leave a mark!

The professional sleeper DIVES into sleep...on their own terms...whenever they want. The non-professional merely FALLS to sleep...at their own peril.

Don't play games. Be a professional. And be QUIET...I'm trying to focus....ahhh, here comes my wave now...

Survey SAYS...

The bus route STAYS! Wohoo! (work with me here...at least TRY to sound excited!)

Yes, it's hard to believe, I know. We had one of the powers-that-be ride the bus today and we got the good news. I guess they got pretty beat up over cancelling the route without even TRYING to keep it...at least that's the impression we got. They're trying to add a new city to the destination that will encourage more riders (thanks to a friend of mine and me pushing it). That'll mean that our schedule will change "slightly". We'll also have to suffer a 35% rate increase, but HEY!...no one's complaining. If they do, well then they can just drive in and suffer a 400% rate increase.

It's true...it costs 4X as much to drive in as take the limo (bus)...yet we can't find enough riders. Not sure what's up with that. Maybe 10$ a gallon will make people budge out of the drivers seat. Maybe not.

We haven't received any official notification, of course. Nothing in writing. Yet in faith I proclaim "the cancellation of our bus route is cancelled!". It was a good fight. I'm pretty much exhausted. Anyone see my ear plugs? I can't wait for the ride in tomorrow.

WooOOO WooOOO

Rode the train today, in case you couldn't tell. Just for fun. Kind of a research project, really. It was one of those "well, we may still lose our bus and I haven't ridden the train for around 5 years...I wonder if it's changed". Uh, no, it hasn't changed.

The train would be a totally sweet ride if it wasn't for the seating arrangements. They're pretty bad. And I should know.

First of all, they don't recline. Not even a little. Straight up. Mom would be proud. But then Mom didn't want me sleeping sitting up...sorry Mom.

Second, you are facing someone the whole way. And I mean face to face. There's an aisle in the middle, duh, and on either side are two seats next to each other facing forward and they face two seats facing backward. Not so bad except where do you put your feet? Two adults would have their knees occupying the same space. For a visual, fold your hands and look at your fingers. That is what the legs of the 4 people look like. Thankfully it's not packed (yet) so you don't HAVE to sit right across from someone.

Third, and I made this mistake this morning, if you are sitting backward, and on the left side of the train, then you get the sun RIGHT in your face the whole way there. That's not really clear is it? If you are facing forward, then it is the right side of the train and if you are facing backward then it is the left side. Let's call it the North side of the train in the AM and the South side in the PM. So out of 4 possible ways to sit( Left, Right, Frontward, Backward), I chose poorly (as the Grail Knight in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" so famously put it).


Fourth, your "seat" gets transferred to a bus when you arrive at your destination train station and you have to ride the shuttle bus to the closest stop to where you work. Not THAT bad, but still nor OUR bus. Plus it takes another 10 minutes to make that journey.

Not the least bit seat related, but there is this "conductor" or something that comes on the intercom before every stop and says "pingggg" (that's not him, btw, that's the "roger beep") "now approaching the Vasco Road Station". Then, and I'm serious, like 1 minute later he says "pinggg" AGAIN..."arriving at Vasco Road Station". And it's not quiet. I think the "ping" is there to wake you up so you hear what he has to say. But, hey, I'm trying to SLEEP here! I'll know when to get off because it's a TRAIN and trains are on TIGHT SCHEDULES, so I'll set an alarm on my phone and it will go off (silently of course, to be courteous to the other poor souls that are going all the way to San Jose or somewhere just as far), and I'll quietly wake up and prepare to disembark. Is that what they call it when you get off a train...like a boat? Is it "disboard"..."unboard"? If you board the train then what do you call it when you, well, get off? Wow, really lost my train of thought there (sorry, but I can see this is going to be fun with all the possible puns involved in commuting via rail).

Note to self: change the alarm on your phone because you have to leave 20 minutes earlier to catch the PM bus to the PM train. Done.

I'm sure the "coolness" factor will wear off over time, but for now riding the train was really cool!

What's NOT cool about trains? See text above.

The Plot Thickens

Riding the bus lately has been, well, boring. Just the way it should be. All the usual suspects are in all their usual seats with little interruption. At least as far as I can tell...I've been pretty much comatose.

We have heard, however, from 'the powers that be' that our route cancellation has been put on hold pending an investigation. Can you imagine? It's really quite exciting to think that we could actually have some effect on decisions made by the higher-ups. I'm really encouraged...maybe one person CAN make a difference. I think I might even vote this election.

The excitement, though, has its place. I absolutely forbid myself to think about it once I start heading for the bus. Day dreaming (really early morning dreaming) can be a curse when you're trying to go to sleep. Ones' mind must be empty. Ones' eyelids gently closed. A couple of deep breaths....in....out...in...you're out. Throw in a little tantalizing thought and you blow the whole routing. Ones's mind must be empty...

If the bus DOES go away (may it never be!) I think I'll ride the train. Stand by...researching train schedules. Hmmm...will I have to rename my blog? Nah. It'll just be a new chapter. I WILL change my picture though...trains are just COOLER than busses. Ask any kid.

Bus Drama 101

Ah, this is the life. The daily bus drama has never been finer than this last week. This is, well, like the ultimate bus drama...no more bus.

We've been fighting the cancellation of our route for the last week and a half and have basically gained no ground. Oh, they say that they are trying to keep it alive, and they're working on alternatives, and the like, but I'm afraid they might not be quite as motivated as we are. It's just a hunch.

There were some pretty nasty emails written, so I hear, that don't shed a kind light on the 'powers that be' at the bus HQ. They were brutally honest, to be honest. Here's a few snippets:

"we feel that 'the bus company' made this decision prematurely and without communication or regard for the riders of the route"

"There have been no appeals for new riders or any communication that something would need to be done"

"Recognizing that the cost of fuel was rising dramatically, we all expected a rate increase, but it never came"

"Was any consideration given to restructuring the route to include other stops?"

"At this time, given the rapidly increasing price of fuel, you should be expanding, not contracting"

"This approach goes against the entire concept of mass transit"

"Was this the only alternative? Why were we not contacted with options before the decision was made? Was this really very well thought out?"

"There have been no advertisements. It seems like a few well-placed billboards on I-5/205/580 leveraging the increase in fuel costs could dramatically increase ridership"

And the best for last...reducing our carbon footprint! "It seems that the reduction in pollutants, an the resultant positive image this presents to a population concerned about global warming and high levels of carbon emissions, would be a significantly important factor that should be considered as well."

I wish I could claim to have written these, but I cannot. Aren't they all just brutal? Every one of them is pretty much common sense articulated.

Oh, by the way, I would comment on todays drive in, but I can't remember it. I was COMPLETELY out. Looking forward to that same level of awareness going home.

Thanks for the info...now, run along

Doesn't seem like they care. Hmmm. Almost seems like the powers that be have their minds made up to cancel our route. There's not much use in fighting that. A friend of mine at work sent me this Indian joke...I now pass it along to you:

=====================================
Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo
Prasad Yadav were Travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an
accident and all three of them died.

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the
doorstep of death.

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he
should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being
made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly,
all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc.

Then why the differential treatment?

He felt that there should be a formal test or an
objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not
be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them
to appear for an English test.

PVNR is asked to spell ' INDIA ' and he does it
correctly.

Advani is asked to spell ' ENGLAND ' and he too
passes.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell '
CZECHOSLOVAKIA '.

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

He says this is not fair and that he was given a
tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi
(to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least
feel that Hindi would provide an equal Platform for all three).

PVNR is asked to write 'KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW'. He
writes it easily and passes.

Advani is asked to write 'BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN'.
He too passes.

Laloo is asked to write 'BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR.... .'
Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other
two weren't),he now requested for all the 3 to be
subjected to a test in history.

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and
that he would not take any more tests.

PVNR is asked: 'When did India get Independence ?'.
He replied '1947' and passed.

Advani is asked 'How many people died during the
independence struggle? '.

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3
options:
100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

It's Laloo's turn now.

Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each
of the 200,000 who died in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story:-

IF THE POWERS THAT BE HAVE ALREADY DECIDED WHAT TO DO TO
YOU,
THERE IS NO ESCAPE.....
=============================

Thankfully I'm American! And I'm going to fight it! Let the games BEGIN!

Potluck Time!

Thursday was Potluck day on the bus. There's another post that deals with your unbelief or your inability to understand this phenomenon. It's from April 3rd and titled Pre-Potluck. You can read there what it is all about.


Well, this one was different. Mainly because it caught me off guard. More accurately, I forgot to tell the CCC Fairy that I needed cookies, so there were none. But there was so much food and it so chaotic (what with everyone passing food, and drinks, and this and that) that no one even noticed that I brought NOTHING. Oh well. It's give and take. Thursday was take. Here's what I took...

Yummy, huh? It's always like this.

Well, there was so much food and I just had so much guilt for not bringing anything that I ate more than my share. Didn't even have dinner when I got home. Very out of character.

We also had a lot of good discussion about what we will be doing on June 1st when they have cancelled our route. Plenty of ideas, and some good word-smithing will probably result in a successful transition to the new mode of transportation. We'll wait and see.

Happy Earth Week...your bus route is canceled

Not the best news in the world. "Due to lack of ridership, we are forced to eliminate your route". OK, so we only have 15 people riding currently, but shouldn't it be the responsibility of the bus company to advertise and promote the routes and make them appealing to as many possible riders as possible? Apparently not. They're subsidised, you know. Free money from The Government (that's really you and me, by the way).

"Hey Riders, you need to get some more people to ride or we'll have to cancel your route". They didn't ever mention this to us. I guess it didn't cross their mind.

"Hey Riders, we need to increase your fare or we'll have to cancel your route". Nope. Never even brought that up. We haven't had a rate increase in YEARS. I'd gladly pay more to keep our illustrious bus and route. Not an option.

"Hey Riders, we're going to add a couple more stops along the way so more people will want to get out of their cars and into the bus". I don't think so, Tim. Never suggested. And what's one or two more stops?

"Hey Riders, did you notice the new billboard on the way to work? No? You were asleep? No biggie. It said 'Come ride the bus, save yourself at LEAST $300 a MONTH! Yes, you can ride the bus to work and buy a NEW CAR with your savings!'". That would be too smart. Advertising never works. Oh, wait...YES IT DOES!

"Hey Riders, our other billboard that you didn't see said "Hey you...yes you all alone in your car. This is Earth Week. Come try the bus for free this week and see how much stress you can shed. Did you know that some commuters suffer more stress than a fighter pilot going into battle? No? It's TRUE. Come relax with us!". Um, nope. Didn't hear that one either.

"Hey Riders, we're going to have to combine your route with another one so we don't have to eliminate your route all together. Hope that's OK with you". SURE it's OK. We're good with that. Just DON'T MAKE US DRIVE IN! But didn't hear that either.

"Hey Riders, your route is canceled effective May 31st". THAT we did hear. In writing. On RED paper...ALERT...ALERT...DANGER WILL ROBINSON...DANGER.

Enough rant. Today is Pot Luck day. Not much to celebrate. I even forgot to ask for cookies from the Chocolate Chip Cookie Fairy. DOH!

If you want to know how YOU can help us keep our route, leave a comment. I'll post the number you can call if I get 3 or more offers for help. We're considering Call3 or News 10 On Your Side too.

Does it sound like I'm FIRED UP? Well I AM!

1 Bus does not = 2 Vans ... or ... intBus != intVan*2

Have I mentioned our beautiful white bus? Someone at work saw us being dropped off once and they have since only referred to it as the "RockStar Bus". And that it is...long and white with tinted windows, hundreds and hundreds of horsepower, smooth like a Cadillac (the old, big, STEEL ones...not these new little cheap sporty ones). It's like a luxury hotel suite on 8 wheels...TV, DVD, Stereo (but please keep all of those off...it's just nice to know that we have them, thank you), AC, Heating, mood lighting (OK, little lights under the seats on the isle so you can find your way out in the dark), recessed lighting (OK, reading lights like airplanes have...only BRIGHTER...and please keep these off because I can still see them through my eye lids), and the best of all...someone else to do all the work. It's like a 787 Dreamliner that you share with 10 of your closest friends. Nirvana.

Contrast that with...hey, you KNEW this was coming and you kept reading anyway...contrast that with a van. Ya...just a plain white van. Where you pack 10 people and all of their luggage into a really small area. You could seriously fit 10 of these vans inside that grand bus. There's no comparison. It's like Air Force One versus The Spirit of St. Louis. It's like a 2 pound Prime Rib versus Beef Jerky.

So we're standing in the cold waiting for the bus and I'm getting more and more awake from the chill. The time for Miss Timex to arrive has come and gone so one of two things must be happening. Either all of our watches are wrong from some recent time warp perpetrated by the Government, or there's something wrong with The Queen Mary. Our beloved Highway Liner had technical difficulties. Then there they come.

Not one, but two vans. You see, we can't all fit into one without writing letters to the powers that be at the Bus Company about the inhumane conditions inside one van. I thought I was riding in the back van, but, well, Miss Timex was driving the front van and the back van had bench seats. Go back and read that part again...BENCH SEATS. Worse than incessant cell phone chatter...worse than a broken air conditioner in the summer (ya, that's happened too)...worse than breaking all three rules (are there only three?...gotta work on that).

So I spun on my heel and headed straight for the front van. I was last from my poor initial choice, so I had to sit almost in the back. The back is a bench seat in all the vans...and I took the last non-bench seat. The poor guy who gets on at the next stop was toast...remember, no butter. But he likes to call random people on his cell phone "just to say hi", so he deserves it. Then when I'm getting prepped to get off he has the AUDACITY to make light of all my essential gear..."Boy! You sure you have enough STUFF?". Oh, you can bet he's riding in the bench seat on the way home...I guarantee it!

Idiots and Maniacs

So, the world ended on Tuesday. I had to drive in. I haven't driven in, in like months. Literally. I can't REMEMBER the last time I subjected myself to that torture. Next time?...Just shoot me first.

It's been my opinion for a long time that there are only two kinds of drivers: Idiots and Maniacs. You know who you are, and I know who you are. I am even one of you, but not according to me. It's all based on perspective.

As I drove in I noticed both Idiots and Maniacs. The Maniacs, as we all know, are the psycotic drivers that think they can get to work earlier by weaving in and out of traffic, going as fast as they can and cutting off as many people as possible. They enjoy that subtle pleasure of blocking other Maniacs when they try to cut them off. It's a game to them, I'm sure, to be as nasty as they can by using their car as a weapon to punish other drivers while promoting their own agenda: get to work before...before...before WHAT? They are racing to GET TO WORK! IDIOTS! (Wait...aren't they Maniacs?)

Then there's the Idiots. Those are the ones who sit in the same lane and go slower than everyone else in that lane wants to go. They leave this giant gap in front of them that every Maniac drools over. Maniacs are CONSTANTLY pulling in front of Idiots, without even signaling (gasp!). So if you are directly behind an Idiot you are toast. You can't change lanes because every other lane is going faster than yours, and the Maniacs are going so fast in those lanes that you would surely die if you pulled in front of one of them. Black, crunchy toast...no butter...that's you.

Now you may think that there must be THREE kinds of drivers...Idiots, Maniacs, and You. But, alas, you are mistaken. You see, you are either an Idiot or a Maniac. The Idiots think you're a Maniac and the Maniacs think you're an Idiot. So there you are...you are BOTH.

So the simple rule is: Anyone going faster than you is a Maniac and anyone going slower than you is an Idiot.

And by the way, I was more of an Idiot than a Maniac. But I did pass a few Idiots...sorry about that. If you rode the bus you would be neither an Idiot nor a Maniac...you would be BRILLIANT.

Monday Monday

Ah, life in the slow lane. Pick one...they're all slow.

I was fast asleep this morning after a rather hot weekend, compared to the past 6 months, but nothing compared to the next 4. As 'out' as I was I still stirred when the now-familiar "beep beep" of our drivers Sprint phone blared. Do they have a volume for those beeps, cuz MAN they're loud!

BEEP BEEP
"You seein' what I'm seein'?"...BEEP BEEP
"Ya...nuthin' but brake lights for miles!"...BEEP BEEP
"Hey 66...where you at? You seein' this?"...BEEP BEEP
"66 here...ya, I heard there's a small accident a few miles ahead."...BEEP BEEP
"No kiddin', we're in a PARKIN'lot back here!"...BEEP BEEP
"Mumble mumble...blah blah blah"...BEEP beep
"hd jdhjlkaue jdh ue ajdh"...beep be

If you could see me grinning in the dark when they said "accident" you would understand. Bliss...utter bliss. That 12 Liter, turbocharged, 430 horsepower Detroit Diesel rumbling in the back worked almost as good as when mom used to tuck me in REAL tight and sing a lullaby.

It took me an hour and 35 minutes to get in today and I slept every minute of it...minus a couple for the BEEP BEEPs. It doesn't get much better than that...and on a Monday even.

Seat 1D had to wake me up when we got to my stop. Thanks! She's the greatest.

Motunesday

Ya. Me too. Didn't they just kind of blend together? Here it is Tuesday and I was all psyched up for Monday. Mondays are usually a blur, though. The bus ride in was FINE...almost an hour and a half. And everyone was just wiped out...especially me. So, here's to the Monday morning commute!

Tuesday morning, though...that was different. Seems like the entire front of the bus was all recuperated from Monday already. Whoa...not the BACK of the bus. They were all looking like they were still living Monday over again.

I was alert enough to notice this while boarding. Not the best idea, to be alert that early, but it sure paid off today. They were all talking, and laughing...that's REAL trouble. So seeing this I mumbled "g'morning" to the driver and just took my pack and kept walking...back to about row 10.

It's a good group, the row 7+ group. They were grumbling and complaining...I even heard some expletives, which I am not impressed by, to be sure. But they were only venting. You see, they too noticed the din from the front and were anticipating a noisy ride in which is a formula for a tired day.

This new bus we have is WAY too quiet. Seriously. You can hear EVERYthing. Ear plugs in...cocoon all cinched up tight...pillow...sunglasses...tighten the ear plugs a little. I was DETERMINED not to hear them...just going to concentrate on closing my eyes and thinking about nothing...sleep...yawn...not gonna bother me...nope...warm...mmmm...Zzzzzz.

Pre-Potluck

Have I mentioned that we're like family? Well, maybe we're more like a club. And any good club has functions. Social functions...like where you eat. But how can you do that on the bus? Easy!

Seat 1D or Seat 2D usually do the planning, which is really just to remind us that we are having a potluck on day whatever. We make sure to do this when no one is on vacation...don't want to slight anyone...it's a CLUB, remember?

Sometimes it's for a special occasion. Like when a really great driver is getting replaced. For those we have the potluck BEFORE the driver's last day. Sometimes it's when a really BAD driver is leaving...and yes, we have it AFTER they move to another route.

Our potlucks are legendary. When we get a new driver, they ask, "Do you guys really have potlucks on the bus?". And we say "Maybe...we'll let you know in a couple of weeks".

People at work just look at me like I'm from another planet or something when I tell them that the goodies in the fridge are for the Bus Potluck. It's like "Riiiiight...ok...sure".

I always bring chocolate chip cookies...my wife's specialty. I exagerate how many people are going to be riding that day so there will be LOTS left over...I even start snacking on them in the middle of the day! We get chips and bean dip, those really tiny sandwich triangles...it's a chick thing I guess, salami and pepperchini (sp) rolls, mini hot dogs, LOTS of chips (that from the guys who forgot it was potluck day until that morning when everyone was talking about what they brought for that night. OH! And we usually get those little crunchy chicken wings from some place called "wooters" or "hooters" or something. Those are YUMMY! And someone (Seat 5B) always brings something healthy. Sigh.

It's hard to sleep on those days. Too much good food, then a little more. Dinner is tough on those days too. "No, really, dear, I couldn't eat another bite. YES, it was good. It's just, well, your cookies are GREAT!"

I'm getting hungry. I wonder when the next potluck is...I heard them talking about it this week or last in those far-away voices like when you're asleep...oh ya, I WAS asleep. I'll ask Seat 1D in the morning...if I'm not too sleepy to remember. Maybe tomorrow night. Oh ya...tomorrow it's Friday morning...bummer (super-short ride in). Maybe there'll be a car fire or something. Nothing where anyone gets hurt or anything. Just where traffic is SNARLED. That would be SWEET!

Tuesday and a new driver

"Mornin'"
"Mornin'"
"New driver today"
"Oh, reeeaaaly...and just how do YOU know THAT?". I'm cocky, expecting the first of many April Fools pranks.
"Because she was on the bus yesterday learning the route...THAT's how"
"oh...". I was out sick yesterday. All of a sudden it's not so cold out here any more...especially around my face.

So...new bus driver this morning. That can be good or bad. Our regular driver is the BEST! She's not in any big hurry to get us anywhere...she's set-your-watch punctual...she has zero road rage (unlike a lot of other drivers, believe me)...she knows all of our names...did I say she was the BEST?

For some reason, they (the bus company) sent our new driver on the bus yesterday to get familiar with the route. It's not rocket-science but drivers have been known to get COMPLETELY lost on our route. There's a map and everything that shows the route and stops, but that must be confusing or wrong because it happens all the time. Maybe bus drivers are auditory learners and not visual learners...anyway...I digress.

Typically we find out we have a new driver when the bus shows up 15 minutes late in the morning because they couldn't find the first stop (granted it's DARK but it is a hotel parking lot, after all). Then that night...wow, it can be really bad. Some times they are over an hour late picking us up. We had one driver (I laugh in hind site) who, after an hour overdue, was so lost that they just accidentally happened to drive by our stop...and we're like FOURTH on the list. We were all jumping up and down and yelling! She was so relieved to find SOMEONE who she was supposed to pick up that we just couldn't be mad at her...OK, maybe a little. After we all got on, we helped her find the first stop and the second stop and the third stop, then we skipped our stop and on to the fifth stop. Outrageous. Pitch dark when we got home.

Don't get me wrong...we're not always nice. We can be brutal at times. It's deserved, of course. We once had a bus driver just stop the bus half way home at a park-n-ride and call in and say they couldn't drive the bus any more (it might have been because we were not as nice as we could have been...not sure exactly). Can you imagine? We're about half of the way home and we stop and wait for a replacement driver to come drive us the rest of the way home. OK, THAT took an hour minimum. So we all went out to eat while we waited. Wendy's. It wasn't fancy.

The worst "new-driver-torture" that they ever put us through was when our regular driver was on vacation for two weeks. I kid you not, we had a DIFFERENT driver EVERY day both in the morning and in the evening. NONE of them had the slight clue where to go, or how to get there. The "union" told them not to listen to directions from the "passengers". I guess we can't be trusted (like we'd send them to Reno or something...Hmmm...well...oh never mind). That was the worst...legendary. 20 different drivers in two weeks. 20.

Oh...and by the way?...today's driver was AWESOME. She took forEVER to come to a stop...drove in the slow lane all the way, AND even went really slowly around corners. Seat 5B had to wake me up when we got there. Thanks, by the way...I owe you one.

Between Friday and Monday

This is the time we all cherish...the time between when the bus drops us off on Friday night and picks us up again on Monday morning. It's a time for introspection and family. A time for memories, and meals with our loved ones and a time to think "why is my back pack so pickin' heavy?"

Well the back pack is an important piece of commuting hardware. It has to hold all of my "stuff" that I "might" need during the day. Plus the "stuff" that I really do need every day. There's a good reason for everything in it...some are really good, and some are just sorta good.

First there's my laptop. Gotta bring that back and forth every day...company rules. And this is the primary reason for carying such a hideous back pack. It really is ugly. Some are really cool looking...not mine. Mine is functional. Ultra functional. Who would steal such a thing? Looks like I'm going camping for a week!

The first thing you notice is my rolled up blanket. The one for those hot summer days when my legs freeze because of the AC. It really looks like a bed-roll...and in a way it is. It fits nicely into the slot that someone designed for a skateboard. But a skateboard IN your back pack? C'mon. If you have your board then you're riding it and wearing the back pack. No one WEARS their skateboard. I'm sure he got a promotion for that idea. It's why I bought it.

The inside is cavernous. With no less than 12 separate pouches for everything like (you knew this was coming):
Bus Pass
ear phones
ear plugs
cough drops
anti-histimine
kleenex ("tissues" for the rest of you)
inflatable pillow
last months bus pass (why is that in there)
work badge
various insundry medecines:
Vicks DayQuil
Dramamine (don't ask...OK I had vertigo really bad once...these saved my life!)
oscillococcinum (don't ask me...I'm no doctor)
January's bus pass (I should really clean those out once in a while)
2G thumb drive (no geek is without one)
blue tooth headset (get ready for July, all the rest of you)
blue tooth charger
phone charger
micro umberella (just in case)
regular umbrella (but really small)
A FLOPPY DISK! (sometimes I amaze even myself!)
spare inflatable pillow (stop laughing...mine went flat on Friday night!)
Guaranteed Ride Home (talk to your HR department about this one...awesome!)
duct tape (again, pick yourself up off the floor...we actually used this to fix the bus once so we could get to work. Mine is White...matches the bus color :)

OK...that's about it. On Monday morning the lunch fairy will have my lunch all ready to go and waiting in the 'fridge. It'll go in last (heavy items on the bottom, of course). Hoist it up and head out the door. Again, be sure to not fully waken on the way out. Have it all ready to go the night before so you don't have to actually think before leaving.

Oh...remember the part about how far you can walk with your eyes shut? A note to those who might take that too seriously..."DO NOT TRY THIS WHILE DRIVING".

Friday Morning

I walk up to the bus stop this morning and this conversation ensues:
"Mornin'"
"Mornin'"
"Say, I saw a police cruiser with lights and sirens blaring...got on the freeway heading our way"
"Really? Hmmm...maybe there's a wreck on the freeway. Awesome!"
"You think? Sweet! That would be a nice change from the normal Friday ride"
"Ya, I could use the extra sleep this morning...been a long week"
"Ya, but with our luck? What are the odds of that?"
"You're right...oh well."
"Ya, he probably heard there was no one on the freeway and wanted to check out his top speed or something."
"Bummer..."

The ride to work: exactly 51 minutes.
Bummer.

Another trick to sleeping on the Bus: Never fully wake up until you get to work.

• This has to start at home. Don't turn on any bright lights...only those little 4 watt night lights. Your eyes stay dilated that way.
• Dress nice and warm. Walking outside into the cold without a coat is a sure way to wake up. Watch out for that.
• Be careful driving...remember, you haven't fully regained consciousness yet.
• After you park, don't slam the door. Loud noises = alertness. That's bad.
• Walk slowly to the bus stop...and time it so you get there only moments before the bus arrives.
• Something to practice while walking...see how far you can go with your eyes closed...I can make it about 12 steps before I just HAVE to open my eyes...but only a crack.
• Engage in as little idle chatter as is socially acceptable.
• Settle into your seat quietly...get your sunglasses on first thing.
• Bundle up into the cocoon and slip back into unconsiousness.
• 1 or 2 minutes and you're out...you won't even remember when the bus left the stop.

Not looking forward to Friday night traffic. Really not.

The Cocoon

The Cocoon. That's about what it looks like, I imagine. I have to imagine because I'm the only one who builds their cocoon each trip. Maybe it looks silly. Do I sound like I care what people think about me? Ok, a little...still. My Mother always said "When you're 20 you worry about what people think about you, and when you're 40 you stop worring, and when you're 60 you realize that everyone was too busy worrying about what YOU thought about THEM to think about you". Well, I'm after 40 and before 60.

It's a science, really...the cocoon. You see, bus temperatures fluctuate dramatically. That's what prompted my first prototype cocoon. It was simple...just my coat used as a blanket. But the cold air would sneak in the back...that was no good. So I found a way to swing the zipper part around my back and quickly lean back on them and effectively stop the draft. Brilliant...g'nite.

But, alas, then came summer. That's when it REALLY gets cold. Most people don't understand this, but for some reason the bus driver thinks that in the winter the bus should be 75 and in the summer the bus should be 68. Never really figured that one out. Seems to me like 75 is good year round. What do I know. So the cold air is blasting out over my head but my first line of defense is in place...only now my legs are getting cold! Yes, it's just that cold. For a while I tried bringing two coats, but in the summer that really looks stupid (I regress back to my 20's and start caring with no warning). So WalMart (China) gets a few of my dollars and I buy a fleece throw blanket, not too big, not too small. And it rolls up and fits in the backpack (a whole nother article, the back pack).

So now the blanket keeps my legs nice and warm. And the trick is the same...imagine. You tuck the blanket in under your legs and it serves two purposes...it keeps your legs from flopping around on those sharp curves and it acts as a good defroster. G'nite.

Lastly is the pillow. Inflatable. Black. $5. Inflatable is important because it deflates (duh) and also because you can set it to just the right "number". Low tech, but effective. Every bus has different seats and each seat has a different pillow comfort number. It's one of those "U" shaped pillows, and it has a picture of some guy (I bet HE's embarassed... he's 20 something) and he puts it around his NECK! I tried it that way...once. Your head flopps around...kind of missing the point. So if you make it an upside down U then it looks normal, but doesn't work well. So the only logical way is to make a right side up U. People say it looks upside down, but remember...between 40 and 60. Comfort is King, and I'm the King of Comfort on the bus.

Tomorrow is Monday, and I'm looking forward to my cocoon!

Friday Morning

As advertised...WAY too short of a commute...strike 1. And I got dropped off at the front door...again...strike 2.

Strike 3, though, was that the Operator wanted to talk with Seat 1D about something. It's very convenient since she is so close, and polite, and says "m hmm" at just the right time to encourage the monologue.

So again Rule #3 was thrown under the bus and crushed. When I'd had enough I moved way back to something like Seat 10C and was finally lulled to sleep by the engine noise and rumbling. I don't care what they say about electric cars and busses...internal combustion Diesel has it's advantages!

50 minute commute...half of it spent listening to Rule #3 being shattered...what a tragedy! I'll try to make it up tonight. The sleep, that is. The time I'm never getting back.
Note to self: research noise-canceling headphones on Google. Gotta be small, though...can't have something interfering with my pillow!

Thursday Night

Did I say this morning's commute was bad? I must have exaggerated like I do a million times a day. Tonight's commute was even worse!

A word about Bus Etiquette. When you put a bunch of people into a confined space with no chance of escape until they reach their destination, you need to have a small set of "rules" that everyone abides by. It cuts down on the chances for conflict...and everyone can sleep a lot better. Think of it as common sense, or common courtesy.

Ok. Rule #1. Be quiet, or silent, which ever is quieter. If almost everyone else on the bus is asleep or trying to appear asleep (you can tell this by a simple trick...look around...if their eyes are closed and they're not looking out the window or reading or something else that insomniacs tend to do) then it's probably best to keep quiet and keep to yourself. Even if there's only one person that is trying to sleep, then out of respect for that one person (and I guarantee it will be the person in Seat 2B) please do your best to let them sleep.

Rule #2. Don't talk on the phone. There is very little that is more annoying to everyone else on the bus than to make them listen to one half of your conversation. Human nature requires us to try to fill in what the other person is saying. Oh, and while you're on the phone try to speak in the common language. Otherwise we have to try to fill in both sides of the conversation at once. Either one of these requires the conscious mind to stay focused, which is really prohibitive to REM sleep, let me tell you.

Rule #3. If someone, anyone (yes even the bus "Operator"...the politically correct term) wants to have a conversation with you, it is your duty, yes, your responsibility, to ignore them completely. Don't let one little "m hmm" or "uh huh" slip out. If you do they will take it as affirmation that you want to participate in a monologue with them. And that monologue will alienate the rest of the I-wanna-be-asleep-ers from you. That is unless you're Seat 1D, who is so sweet, and kind, and motherly that no one could possibly be alienated from her. Everyone else...beware!
After reading these rules, I have come to the conclusion that rules will be broken by the unaware, the uncaring, the conceited or the rude...or maybe by all of the above at once.
So tonight someone...and I won't name them by Seat ID...just couldn't WAIT to tell everyone about their observations from their recent trip, or from their duties at work, or adnauseum. I honestly think they were talking with Seat 1D who is way to polite to obey Rule #3. But the VOLUME of the monologue was astounding! I moved back to Seat 5B (he's on vacation or had to drive in, poor soul) and it was still as clear as the "blue screen of death" is to the fact that you just lost everything. I put ear plugs in (a standard required piece of equipment for long-haul commuters) and I could STILL hear EVERY word! Next time I'm moving to the very back of the bus where the engine is so loud that it drowns out everything else except that "I'm so funny, I just KILL me!" laughter. NOTHING can drown that out!

Thursday Morning

This morning the commute was TERRIBLE. Maybe it was because it was the day before Good Friday and everyone was taking a 4 day weekend. Dunno. I DO know that there was no one on the freeway...practically deserted. The bus flew in to work today...I only got to sleep for about 50 minutes! That's hardly any nap at all! I count on a full hour each way.

And to top it all off (probably because we were so early) they went out of their way and dropped me off practically at my office door! For CRYING OUT LOUD! I need to walk at least a block to wake up. So I walk in all groggy-eyed and the one or two people that get in before me say "What happened to you? Bad commute?".
And I say "Ya less than an hour".
"Oh, sorry about that...maybe it will be better tomorrow".
They don't understand commuting from the Central Valley. Tomorrow will be Friday. Fridays always have the worst commute in the morning, so we get in really early, and Friday night we have to sit with all of the weekend campers heading for the foothills so it's a really long ride home...hour and a half plus sometimes. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants a slow commute home...ESPECIALLY on Friday. But it always happens. So that leaves Monday...gotta love the Monday commute. It's always a GREAT nap...barely creeping along the freeway...very restful. Ah Monday.

My history of bus riding goes back only as far as the "Legendary" RTS bus. And I mean "Legend" literally. This is the GMC RTS Legend. Ours had a collapsible bike rack on the front which was used about 1/10th of 1 percent of the time. Our old bus driver hated it...you can't tailgate someone NEARLY as effectively with the bike rack extended. Oh, there will be more on our old bus driver later, trust me!

This is (was, really) the classic workhorse commuter bus in use all over the nation. This picture, however, was NOT taken in California. C'mon! It never rains in California...duh! This slow, heavy, lumbering bus got me to work every day for years and years. It has two doors, in front and almost all the way in the rear. Which reminds me (here comes a story...get used to this part)...

Way back when, years ago, we had one of these busses that had a problem closing the back door. In fact, the only way to get the back door closed was to shut down the bus! Something about the pneumatic system that operated the door. Anyway, this little problem presented itself one day going down the freeway at top speed (it was a light traffic day on the way home). Well, the back door managed to work its way open just a "crack", but that was enough for the safety system to engage. Did I mention that when any of the doors open the safety system automatically engages the parking brake? No? Well it does. So going something like 60 down the freeway the bus comes to a grinding halt...in the middle lane. Trucks are FLYING by...cars are honking. During this "event" either no one thought to turn off the bus in the chaos, or that simply didn't work. I think it was the woman in Seat 2D that thought of popping out the fuse that engaged the "safety system" so we wouldn't get rear-ended by a Semi. (I'll refer to different riders by their seat number...to protect the innocent and all that). Seat 2D has been riding longer than ANYone on the bus...she knows the day she started, and she knows all about the bus! So imagine everyone sitting calmly in their seats (gripping the arm rest with white knuckles, with their head pressed firmly to the back of the seat, anticipating the imminent impact) when the bus lurches forward. Fortunately it lurched because the parking brake was disengaged. We sloooowly (remember "lumbering"?) got back up to speed and went on as if nothing had happened. NOT! I don't think anyone splept the rest of the way home...highly unusual. Good blog-fodder that day, even though no one knew what a "blog" was, not even hi-tech me.

Well, we all survived. They never fixed the problem permanently. We just told any new bus drivers not to ever open the back door, for any reason. So I guess the problem really WAS solved permanently.

Gotta love riding the bus.

California Commuting

Ah, the joys and trials of commuting in California. Northern California, really, from the Central Valley to the "East Bay" and back again. Twice daily. We join hundreds of thousands of others as we crawl across the valley, over "the hill" and into the world of high tech.

As we roll along in bumper-to-bumper traffic we feel a sense of family with the other commuters out there in the dark. It's the kind of family where we don't talk, or make eye contact in any way. It's really "us" and "them". WE ride the bus and sleep on the way to work. THEY are sitting all by themselves in their car or SUV and have to pay atention. They wouldn't have it any other way and neither would we. They fight for position with all the other cars out there, while we search for just the right position in our seats where sleep comes sweetly and quickly.

I've been riding the bus for something like 8 years now. IMHO I'm an expert. I've slept for thousands of commute miles. Consider this: 50 miles each way, 100 round trip, 500 per week, for about 50 weeks a year. That's about 25 THOUSAND miles a year. Times that by 8 and you come up with 200,000 miles sitting in Seat 2B while someone else drives. And THAT makes me an expert.

This Blog is about those 200,000 miles and the drama that unfolds as we travel, or sometimes as we WAIT to travel. Most of the other riders have been riding as long or longer than me, so we're really a tight knit family of sorts, each in their own little semi-vertical, semi-horizontal world. We watch out for each other. We bother each other. Sadly, we even have to smell each other. More later on that...sorry.

This Blog is also for my Brother. Without whom I would be living out in the country, hoeing weeds and kicking dirt clods, and trying to make a living out of dirt, rain, seed and sweat. But thanks to his advice I'm in the computer business. He thinks I'm a nerd. Maybe he's right. Don't tell him. Anyway, whenever he calls the first words I hear are "How ya doin' nerd? How's Seat 2B or 3A or whatever it is?". And I say "It's Seat 2B and it's the same as it always is.", which is a lie, because it's absolutely NEVER the same. If it was the same, why would I be Blogging about it? That would be boring. You be the judge.