Idiots and Maniacs

So, the world ended on Tuesday. I had to drive in. I haven't driven in, in like months. Literally. I can't REMEMBER the last time I subjected myself to that torture. Next time?...Just shoot me first.

It's been my opinion for a long time that there are only two kinds of drivers: Idiots and Maniacs. You know who you are, and I know who you are. I am even one of you, but not according to me. It's all based on perspective.

As I drove in I noticed both Idiots and Maniacs. The Maniacs, as we all know, are the psycotic drivers that think they can get to work earlier by weaving in and out of traffic, going as fast as they can and cutting off as many people as possible. They enjoy that subtle pleasure of blocking other Maniacs when they try to cut them off. It's a game to them, I'm sure, to be as nasty as they can by using their car as a weapon to punish other drivers while promoting their own agenda: get to work before...before...before WHAT? They are racing to GET TO WORK! IDIOTS! (Wait...aren't they Maniacs?)

Then there's the Idiots. Those are the ones who sit in the same lane and go slower than everyone else in that lane wants to go. They leave this giant gap in front of them that every Maniac drools over. Maniacs are CONSTANTLY pulling in front of Idiots, without even signaling (gasp!). So if you are directly behind an Idiot you are toast. You can't change lanes because every other lane is going faster than yours, and the Maniacs are going so fast in those lanes that you would surely die if you pulled in front of one of them. Black, crunchy toast...no butter...that's you.

Now you may think that there must be THREE kinds of drivers...Idiots, Maniacs, and You. But, alas, you are mistaken. You see, you are either an Idiot or a Maniac. The Idiots think you're a Maniac and the Maniacs think you're an Idiot. So there you are...you are BOTH.

So the simple rule is: Anyone going faster than you is a Maniac and anyone going slower than you is an Idiot.

And by the way, I was more of an Idiot than a Maniac. But I did pass a few Idiots...sorry about that. If you rode the bus you would be neither an Idiot nor a Maniac...you would be BRILLIANT.